Dealing with infidelity is extremely painful, and if you don’t approach it carefully you may end up making things worse for you in the long run. This scenario has become widespread in today’s society. Infidelity use to be something you would never think would affect your marriage, but times have changed.
Marriage by nature takes a lot of effort to make it work, but when you introduce infidelity to the equation the chances of failure is multiplied.
If you are dealing with infidelity, your emotions are surely running wild. What should you do? Do you walk away from your marriage? Do you get back at your spouse by cheating on them?
Your initial thoughts will be to make a swift decision on what you are to do in your life. It is now that you need to make the most rational decision in your life, and in order to do so you have to allow the process of dealing with and accepting the harsh reality of infidelity to play out.
Your life will surely be different, but you can recover from infidelity and go on to live a happy life with or without your spouse that cheated on you. It is important that you understand that because you surely will not feel that way right now.
In order to overcome infidelity in marriage, you will have to learn how to cope with the extreme pain caused by your spouse’s infidelity. You will experience emotions such as denial, anger, depression, sadness and eventually you will learn acceptance of your unfortunate experience.
Acceptance does not mean you accept your partner’s actions as okay, but it does mean that you accept the fact that it did happen to you and that you do have to rebound from those actions.
It is only after you are able to accept what has taken place will you be able to move on to the healing process. It is in this stage that you will need to learn how to calm yourself both internally and externally so that you are able to sift through your thoughts and emotions that will eventually lead you back on the right path.
Calming yourself may consist of deep breathing, meditation, visualization and even therapy. Choose the method that works the best for you. It may take a while to figure this out. That is normal.
Once you are in a calmer state of mind, you will need to start changing the way you think on a day to day basis, it may even be an hour to hour basis. The point is negative thoughts will only leave you down in the dumps a lot longer.
During the entire healing process, you will undoubtedly still have feelings of anger lingering inside. At some point you will have to channel this anger towards your cheating spouse. You can only accomplish this after you have allowed yourself to reach a more rational state of mind.
By channel I mean expressing your anger in a heart to heart conversation in which you convey your pain through statements such as, “I feel so deceived, I am so humiliated that everyone knows what you did to me.”
Express your pain in anger, but channel it by using “I” and how you feel. This method is proven more successful than the blaming “you” statement. It will be hard to accomplish this, but it is very important if you are considering saving your marriage.
Dealing with infidelity will take time, but after you have allowed the recovery process to take place you will need to make a decision on what you want to accomplish moving forward.
One of these crucial decisions will be whether or not you will stay and fight for your marriage or if you have to walk away.
Will your spouse stop cheating on you?
Will you ever be able to forgive (not forget) your spouse for their actions?
Will you ever allow yourself the opportunity to be happy again with your spouse after all that has happened?
Do I want to stay in this marriage only because I am scared to start over?
These are just a few questions that you will need to answer when making the decision on whether or not to leave the marriage.
When dealing with infidelity, many marriage counselors will have their client make a Pros and Cons list when it comes to their marriage.
In many cases, the cons will outweigh the pros and divorce may be the best solution. If it is the other way around, you may want to fight to save your marriage.
It is at this stage of dealing with infidelity where your efforts should truly begin to shift to repairing the relationship and ultimately the marriage.