If you go online looking for the steps to forgiveness when dealing with a cheating spouse you will find all kinds of lists, some rather simple and some quite detailed and complex. However the steps to forgiving are basically the same, although the process of forgiving a spouse for cheating may vary according to personality, temperament and spiritual strength.
Of course, whether your spouse confesses freely or whether you confront the cheater and force a confession, what immediately follows is going to be anger, hurt, and possibly even a desire for revenge. While the first two are normal, the last is one that takes a strong person to rise above.
Remember this is real life and not a cute movie where the betrayed spouse joins with a couple of other betrayed spouses to wreck vengeance on their scumbag cheating spouses…or ex-spouses. While the movie plot is designed to elicit laughter, no one who is dealing with a cheating spouse or the aftermath is going to find much laughter in contemplating revenge.
Here are some basic steps to forgiveness, and not all may apply to your situation. For example, 1) Forgive yourself, and 2) Don’t blame yourself. Depending on your particular situation, neither of these may apply to you.
Then again, perhaps you deliberately drove your spouse into the arms of another by some of your choices. Not that that absolves your spouse from cheating, but you need to take an honest look at your own part in this issue.
On the other hand, you may have been the perfect spouse…realizing that no one is perfect…and you’re just married to someone that cannot be faithful to one person. If that’s the case, then you now must decide whether in addition to forgiving for your own peace of mind and future health, you also want to continue aiding and abetting your spouse’s behavior.
The basic steps to forgiving and getting on with your life:
The most important of the steps to forgiveness that you need to follow in your journey to forgiving your cheating spouse is: Take your time. The time it takes to work through these steps to forgiveness will vary from person to person. Don’t rush it and don’t be surprised to find that just when you thought you had forgiven, that you realize that you still feel some anger and hurt.
You might also find that keeping a few forgiveness quotes handy will help you get back on track to forgiving your spouse.