“My husband is cheating on me” is one of the worst things you'll ever say, even if it's just to yourself. It's one thing to know it's happening, but when you say the words out loud, that's when it truly becomes real and you have to face it head on.
It's not easy, but necessary in order for you to start moving forward. In addition to being heartbreaking, the situation can be completely confusing and leave you clueless about what to do next. So what exactly do you do when you find out your husband is cheating on you?
Be Sure He's Cheating
Once you get on a roll with thinking a particular situation is happening, it's very easy to get convinced that something is going on. This isn't saying that you're actually wrong, but it's important to be sure that there's cheating happening before you take it to the next level and talk to your spouse about it.
If you're wrong, it could be quite damaging to your marriage. Find some proof on your own or consider hiring a private investigator to do it for you.
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Once you can say for sure, "My husband is cheating on me," then there are some steps you can take:
Talk to Your Husband
Communication is absolutely essential and although it's completely scary to approach the subject with your husband, you have to talk to him about what's going on. Make sure not to verbally attack him, because all it's going to do is put him on the defensive and make him less likely to talk to you.
If you want answers, you have to reign in every angry and hurt feeling you have before you start the conversation.
Take Some Space
You're upset, confused, furious and all you probably want to do is throw things at him, cry and scream. All, by the way, are normal to feel for a situation such as this.
However, before you make any snap judgments, take some space away from him. It's best if one of you temporarily leaves the home for now until you have time to cool down and get your thoughts together.
You can't do that with him as a reminder in your face every day, even if he is sleeping on the couch in the next room.
Talk to a Therapist
Being cheated on delivers a hard blow. It often affects your trust, self-esteem and faith in people, especially the opposite sex. Talking to a therapist can help you sort through all those emotions and get yourself back on track, and it'll begin right from the moment you say “My husband is cheating on me.”
Sure you may eventually be able to sort through everything yourself, but it will take you much, much longer and in the meantime, you're carrying around all those unhealthy emotions. You may feel uncomfortable talking to a therapist at first, but at least it will be worth it in the long run.
Come to a Decision
One of the worst aspects of being cheated on is deciding what to do with the aftermath. Do you leave your husband or do you stay? It starts off with deciding if you're willing to give him a shot to redeem himself.
If a second chance is at least an option, then you have to hear him out to see if he even wants to continue to stay in the marriage and if he's willing to do what it takes to make things right.
If he does, you have some big decisions to make that are going to require a lot of thought about whether staying or leaving is best for you.
Talk to a Lawyer
Even if you haven't decided to get a divorce, talking to a lawyer can at least allow you to know what your options are, especially in terms of your finances.
You'll be able to have everything explained and put in writing so you know what your next steps should be regardless of what you decide.
Don't Blame Yourself
Saying “My husband is cheating on me” is most often followed shortly thereafter by “What did I do for him to do that?” You absolutely cannot blame yourself.
Easier said than done, but he made his own decisions and cheating didn't have to be one of them. He could have gone to counseling with you, worked with you to make things better, worked to make himself better, and if all of that didn't work, he could have left. Cheating didn't have to be an option at all, he just made it one.
Knowing your husband cheated on you is absolutely heartbreaking, but what it all comes down to is now taking care of yourself above all else.
The sooner you work to heal from this, the sooner it will happen and you can truly find happiness again. It may not seem like it, but it will happen, and often when you least expect it.