I am a Sex Addict: Is This Just Another Excuse Used to Justify Cheating?
In the last few years we’ve heard celebrities say “I am a sex addict” when caught cheating on their spouses by having multiple sexual partners. It might be easy to roll your eyes at such an obvious excuse, figuring the mental health industry has just come up with another justification for bad behavior.
After all if you give a label that suggests a mental illness or uncontrollable addiction, then the person with that label is really innocent. Unfortunately, whether or not the cheating spouse is a sex addict or just a philanderer or nymphomaniac, they leave broken hearts and relationships in their wake.
I am a Sex Addict: What are the Signs of a Sex Addict?
If you are married and over time realize that your spouse is repeatedly cheating, and seems unable to control his/her behavior, perhaps even engaging in dangerous sexual behavior, then you need consider sexual addiction. Unfortunately, you are going to have to take a good hard, honest look at behaviors you may have chosen to ignore or shrug off as unimportant. You are not going to be able to wait for him or her to admit “I am a sex addict.”
In fact, when you first got married you may have simply not been able to see anything wrong or alarming about your spouse’s behavior. However, over time other behaviors may become more noticeable to the point where you begin to feel uneasy or even alarmed. These behaviors or signs of sexual addiction may include:
- Flirting and seductive behavior
- Repeated extra-marital affairs
- Fantasy sex
- Compulsive self-stimulation
- Multiple one-night stands
- Habitual use of pornography
- Cybersex or sexting
- Refusal to practice safe sex
- Pay for professional sexual services
- Pain exchange during sex to enhance pleasure
- Uses a variety of ways to meet more sexual partners; trolling for sex, bar hopping, etc.
- Voyeurism; peeping tom, watching others engage in sex
- Exhibitionist sex; exposing oneself
- Engaging in sexual harassment
I Am a Sex Addict: Might be True if You Answer "Yes" to 13 of the Following Questions
- Were you a victim of sexual abuse as a minor?
- Do you find yourself thinking about sex?
- Did either of your parents exhibit sexual addiction behavior?
- Do you ever wonder if your sexual behavior is not normal?
- Have you promised yourself to change your sexual behavior?
- Have you tried and failed to quit certain sexual behavior?
- Does your spouse complain or worry about your sexual behavior?
- Do you hide or keep your sexual proclivities a secret?
- Even when certain sexual behaviors are inappropriate, do you find yourself unable to quit?
- Do you feel guilty about your sexual behavior?
- Have your sexual activities caused problems at home, or with your family?
- Have you ever felt degraded by your sexual behavior?
- Have you ever tried to get help to deal with unwanted sexual behaviors?
- Have you ever admitted to yourself or a loved one “I am a sex addict”?
- Have you used sex, like a drug, as a means to escape your problems?
- Are you ever afraid of what people will think if they find out about your sexual behavior?
- Do you feel depressed after engaging in certain sexual behaviors?
- Has a loved one experienced emotional pain due to your sexual behavior?
- Have your sexual activities caused financial problems for you or your family?
- Does engaging in any of your sexual activities break the law?
- Have you ever felt out of control or that your sexual needs were uncontrollable?
- Do you feel that your sexual drive is stronger than you can handle?
- Have you ever considered having or have you ever engaged in adult on child sexual behavior?
As you can see saying “I am a sex addict” is not a claim to make lightly, nor is it just a way of excusing bad behavior. Like any other addiction, if you or someone you love might be dealing with a sexual addiction, the time to get help is now. Waiting will only cause more pain for all concerned.
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