Apart from your spouse dying, the worse thing that could possibly happen in a marriage has happened to you. Let me start by saying that from this point on, your life will always be different. Your marriage as you knew it is now dead.
However, you are still in control of your life. Different can just mean different and just because your old marriage is dead doesn't mean a new happier one is not possible in the long run.
Life will go on. It will be up to you how you choose to live it after infidelity.
Initially, getting out of bed in the mornings will be a daunting task. But, you have to and I’m going to give you some advice that will hopefully help you to get back to happiness one way or another.
After uncovering infidelity, leaving should always be one of your options. If your husband believe’s that you would never leave, then there is no ultimatum for him to change his behavior.
However, before you decide whether to stay with him or not, there are some questions that you need answered. If the respect is not there to give you what you feel are honest answers, then I would suggest that you exercise your option to leave immediately without looking back.
After being cheated on and not getting the answers I needed, my mom once told me, “Make sure that when she looks around you are nowhere to be found”. I’m passing along that same great advice.
A relationship is built on love, trust and respect. He already broke the trust, and if he is not willing to give you the respect after his indiscretions, then your love for him should be no more.
“You can’t build a great building on a weak foundation. You must have a solid foundation if you’re going to have a strong superstructure.” - Gordon B. Hinckley
Why did he cheat on you?
Understanding and accepting an answer to this question will take an extremely open mind. Put yourself in his shoes. Could you possibly make the same mistake in a moment of weakness or despair? Even if you wouldn’t, are you able to see that a good person just made a bad decision?
Will he do it again?
In order to stay, you have to believe it will never happen again. Because the trust is gone, it will be extremely difficult at first to believe him. In relationships that work after infidelity, the cheating husband will find a way to make it extremely easy to be trusted moving forward.
"Anyone can do the right thing when others are watching, but it takes a person with integrity to do the right thing when there is no one there.” Is this the type of person your husband is in general?
How was your relationship over last few years?
This question is for you. Did you guys grow out of love? Did you or him change so much that either one of you guys are completely different now? In marriage, sometimes we get “use” to being with someone. Is that what it has become?
If you don't see happiness as a possibility in the future, then maybe it is time to end the marriage.
Is there any regret?
After hearing his voice, and looking into his eyes, does he feel nearly as bad as you do? If he truly loves you, your pain should be his pain. If you do not see true regret then your option to leave is the best one you have.
Deciding whether to stay with your husband after he cheated is your decision and yours alone. Initially you should share your situation with only the closest of people, and certainly only with people you consider level headed.
Your emotions will be rampant at first, so making a decision in this state of mind may not be your best choice. If you decide that leaving is your best option you will still have this option down the road.
The pressure of deciding whether to stay or not may overwhelm you. While trying to decide, the presence of your husband may complicate matters even more.
If this is so, you should take the necessary time apart to come to a clear decision that you can commit to. Take your time, because once committed it will take every ounce of you to make your decision work.
If you decide to stay and fight for your marriage, it is important that you establish new rules moving forward. Be sure that these rules leave enough room that you and your husband can be happy moving forward. First by rebuilding the respect, then the trust and finally the love that you once cherished.
Warning: If you make the rules so miserable for your husband moving forward, you are only prolonging the inevitable, which divorce.
Your husband is the one that shattered the bond you shared. If you ever reach the stage in which you see no hope for happiness in the future then the choice to move on is the right choice.
“Some things just can’t be put back together” - Jamie Ford
My hope is that after reading this it will help you in even the smallest way in reaching a decision that will lead you to happiness again. Good Luck!