The Habitual Cheater and What Real Victims Say About Their Cheater

Some of the best ways to recognize the habitual cheater is to listen to what other victims have to say about their experience. After all, they’ve been there and done that, and chances are that if you have a chronic cheater in your life that you will recognize your situation.


The Heart Cries Out

Whether it’s from forums, chatrooms, Facebook groups or other type of supportive therapy groups, men and women both seek advice and help by sharing their stories. Once the story is shared, they typically cry out:

  • What’s wrong with me?!
  • Help!
  • How can I get him/her to love me more?
  • I want a divorce, but my heart says different.
  • I don't know what to believe at this point.
  • I am so emotionally drained.
  • What should I do?

The Names Have Been Changed

Here are just a few of the typical stories that victims are sharing about the chronic cheater in their life:

The Pain of Being Married to the Habitual Cheater

Sweetheart #?

I found texts on his phone from his ex, saying how much they missed each other. This was just three months after we married. Then I find out he’s been married five times! He can’t stay faithful and “can’t keep it in his pants!”

Not only is he a woman hopper, but he jumps from woman to woman, making babies he can’t support. I’ve found out from some of his exes that he even uses the same nicknames for us!

Hurting Husband

Once again my wife has cheated. Each time I find out because I discover she’s hiding a cellphone. When I find the phones I discover texts and even pictures of her with other men.

I keep forgiving her, but suspect that despite what she says, she’s not going to be able to change.

Still Hoping He'll Change

I didn’t know when I married him that he was a cheater, but within the first year I discovered he had secret accounts and was getting together with other women for quickies.

Over the years I’ve learned to recognize his particular cycles. After a short time of being faithful, he’ll start looking at porn. Next he’ll start checking out sites about swinging. From there he starts seeking out real women to talk with either by phone or text.

Inevitably, he, being the habitual cheater he is, then starts meeting them for hookups.

Should Have Known

I guess I’m getting what I deserve for marrying a woman who cheated on her first husband with me. Of course, she assured me that she’d never cheated on him before, but now she’s admitted that she’s cheated on every relationship she was in.

I thought I could help her change, and she promised to change, but after five years I now know that she’s not going to change. She can’t help herself.

Seven Years is Enough

I’ve been married for seven years, and from day one the habitual cheater has been lying to me. I found out on our honeymoon that he was in a relationship with another woman when I overheard him talking to her on the phone when he thought I’d stepped out of the room.

Of course, he denied anything was going on, and of course, I believed him. However, a month later I got a phone call from the same woman who took great pleasure in telling me about their affair.

Funny thing is, a few months later she called again only this time to cry on my shoulder because she’d caught him with another woman.

Each time I confront the habitual cheater, he does this elaborate song and dance, crying real tears, swearing he’s not cheated. Then when I give him proof in the form of emails or texts, times and places, he’ll admit his guilt.

Naturally he then promises it won’t happen again, and of course it does.But after seven years, I’ve finally realized that he’s never going to change, and that every time he’s cheated he’s broken our marriage vows.

I’m done.

When the pain of staying with the habitual cheater becomes worse than the pain of leaving, then it’s time to go. If you stay all you are doing is enabling their self-destructive behavior.

Return from The Habitual Cheater to Cheating Spouse